I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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