I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
