Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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