You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
