it was like his penis was on wheels.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
