You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
