I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
