i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
