well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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