So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's the barista slut.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
