Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
