thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
