My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
