we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
