doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
