he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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