is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
