It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
