When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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