Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
