i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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