Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
