Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
