that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
