this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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