His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
