"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
