Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
