IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
