Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
