His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
