I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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