Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
