ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
