you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
