Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
