We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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