I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
