Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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