my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Only a mothe r could love this liver
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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