Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
