My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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