I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You pole danced in your parka.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
