i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
