I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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