I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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