I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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