i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think i got beer on your cat.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
