i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
