I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
