I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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