Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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