I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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