Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
