Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
